Singapore

She was late, arriving half an hour at the Orchard MRT station. Before I could say a thing, she threw herself at me and frenched me right in the middle of a maddening crowd. Obviously any annoyance on my part was immediately gone.

We were en-route to have lunch in City Link when we came across this gift shop. We walked out with her handbag spotting a pink scented piggy key chain. She liked it very much. I saw her grin.

After walking for miles, we finally reached River Quay. Somehow, I must have missed a turn and we ended up near Sophie road instead. Nevertheless, we a pleasant dinner at Boat Quay since Siam II on River Quay, which I initially wanted to take her to was no longer in operation. We shared moments of passion along the more serene River Quay after.

She lost her wallet and we searched high and low at South Point for it. We ended up making a police report since we couldn’t find it. She was in tears. I gave her $50 so she could get back to Johor Bahru where her sister awaits her. We kissed for one last time and I saw her off as she disappeared as the train doors came together as I whispered I love you.

I missed my 10 pm train. I never told her I did.

It was mid 2002.

That was the very last we saw of each other.

I've never been there after that.
We never made it through that year.


In a few hours time, I will leave for Singapore. It has really been quite a while and this time I will walk down those memorable lanes without her. No laughter, no kisses and no goodbye; only tucked-away moving-still in memory.

All I seek now is to put them to rest and so there are none left to mourn.

Year of the Dog

Take away the reunion dinner. Take away the fire crackers, the lion dance & red packets. Take away the mandarin oranges and dried meat. Remove all essence of celebration.

Can one see beyond those?

If so, Happy Chinese New Year to you.

Dissapointed

Holding back as much as I could. Hate it when my mom gets affected whenever she talks about emotional stuff with people and after that hurls that bulk of emotions back at us family, especially me.

I just don't get it. Why can't she draw a dictinctive line between what concerns her and what does not? This is absolute unnecessary.

I don't need this shit. I'm only restraining from giving her a piece of my mind because it's chinese new year's eve (like I care shit! fuck culture) and beacuse my grandfather passed away earlier this week.

Counting the days till I fly off again in mid February. Get myself far away from this mess; I have my own deal with.

random melancholic

There are times when I feel as if time has stopped and I could step back into a particular moment instantaneously and let it be permanent for a little while. There are many of these memorable bits that I believe will ever be a part of me. The meanings that they carry, no matter how many times I try bury or even rationalise, murky waters never seem to settle. It haunts me when that very period flashed by.

I should have stood by her side through thick and thin. I admit now I am indeed self centred, I thought of no one but my very self.

I seek closure, for this has haunted me for way too long. I don’t know how to.

She meant a lot to me and still does even more, in fond memories.

...post life

The funeral will be on Wednesday. It’ll be a small, quite one, my grandfather passed away as a Christian and it is too near to Chinese New Year for many to be auspicious to attend a funeral.

For me, even his death is sudden but I could at least accept the fact that he has lived a very fulfilling life, even he said so. Furthermore, he has been rambling on for the past few years that his time is very near even though he’s as healthy as any other; he was prepared for it.

Funny how life can just flash by in instances such as this, time takes a second to none.

Well, as far as I see it, the best that I can do is to pray and hope he’s in a better place and in peace, more so, I pray and hope my mom recovers quickly from grieving. She tends to be a tad over-emotional.

Amen.

Rest In Peace

My grandfather just passed away. I am still numb.

So much for being Chinese in ethnicity.

I so much so neglected to consider the fact that there won't be any sort of public transport which isn't fully booked for my return to Malaysia from Singapore. As a matter of fact, about a couple of months ago I even forgot there's Chinese New Year.

I'll only be going to Singapore next week, after the Chinese New Year.

Better away!

Sometimes I question real hard why some people insist of doing certain things, like get the maid to re-arrange the stuff on my personal shelves when I was in Australia.

The result, my things go missing and I get absolutely angry because since young I have made known that no one except me should ever touch my stuff and if they had to, I should be made known. Somehow, time after time, the same issues arise and that really pisses me off.

What pisses me off even more is that, that very person happens to be my very own mother. Nowadays I am even more pissed off because she's playing the "I'm doing so much and I'm not being appreciated line”, when I tell her off.

In the very first place, there’s no need for her to do as much. She just does unnecessary things and when things go wrong because of her unnecessary doings and when she is made known of it she gets upset, like when she had the new maid to iron my clothes and burn a t-shirt of mine when again, I never asked for my clothes to be ironed and I always told them never to.

Maybe this explains why I despise living with them, my family. It explains why every time when I am in Malaysia during semester breaks I just spend a week with them and the rest of the time somewhere else, never mind if I have to sleep on the couch.

I don’t hate my family and I’m fond of them, but I just find it very hard to live with them when I have to deal with this kind of shit happening over and over again. I find that absolutely annoying and I’m not too good dealing with annoyance.

I’ll be headed south to Singapore in a day’s time for a week. It is good to be away.

I strongly feel my parents values and believes are just way too different.

I’ll be returning to Australia early February, I’m looking forward to that.

Fucked up isn't it?!

For more than a year I drove on a daily basis in KL, I have NOT ONE accident.

One month before I sell the car off, I rear ended a telephone pole, while giving way to an oncoming lorry in a rural road in my hometown.

To add salt to the wound, I smacked the rear lights cluster. Now, if it was plain bodywork damage, it's cheap to fix. The rear light cluster, last time I checked is RM 300 (AU$100).

Fucked up isn't it?

Twice bitten

Second 8250 developed a sudden and severe case of phone cancer. It really seems that the certain disease is heriditary. I like that phone and even that is ill fated at second go.