Only years too late.

I feel the weight upon my shoulders,
I see bits her in my every glance,
For she is now gone and I mourn,
For only years too late.

Mental suicide

I just turned down an unexpected job offer in Melbourne because I am here in Malaysia, in my hometown for the semester break. I feel lost because this isn't home; Kuala Lumpur is. I am stuck because I could not arrange any accomodations. I wake up feeling foul because I am in self denial over her. I came to realise that I couldn't help but block out thoughts of her; my unwillingness to deal with the issue. The immediate consequence is my temperamental moods from depressive cycles and a slanted view of reality.

The walls are caving in.

Borderline insanity.

I really wonder how much worse can this get.

Loss/Lost

It doesn't take all that much to change the meaning of things, all it takes is a just a minor shift in perception.




The "what if(s)" were filled with hope, a pinch of optimism. Right now the "void" is filled with plain grief.

I reckon it'll take a while for the pain to fade, if it ever does.

I wish I hadn't met her!

I suppose I am very devastated now that I feel so numb, all emotions are push back. She didn’t even have to speak, it was so cold. It is true “she” that I knew that I loved has truly died. I feel like a complete idiot because I would have given up everything for her (or at least for “her”). There is this enormous anger building up within me right at this very moment because I’ve been such a fool. I truly fucked myself over to the degree that perhaps only I could comprehend.

Gone with the wind

There are many things that raced though my mind during the week which I didn’t quite had the chance get them written down since I was drowning in my assignments (literally). Ironically just moments ago, between this sentence and the one before, I figured that those thoughts are probably not worth being written down at all.

“After all that we had, which we proclaimed to be so much more than that we saw, you just let a sentence of mine which I wrote in a fit to let it all crumble? Was that all it was worth?”

That was the thought.

Painful

I try to forget, but winter keeps bringing her back.

untitled

Stuck in a time warp,
Watching the world takes its pace,
For you hold the key,
To unlock this very misery,
Yet there you are in bliss ignorance,
As you watch me cry and plea.