oh yea bugger alright!

Started typing the cover letter at half past six in the morning, got it proof read by eight, emailed the lot by quater past eight.

Half past nine. Phone rang.

Interview confirmed. Friday half past three, afternoon.

I'm going to bed.

Bugger

“Aus could have been better but I just have to know for sure.”

A quarter past 2 in the morning and I stare blankly into the blinking cursor. Not wanting to write and yet not wanting to sleep. The trouble is really, I need to write. As many would have figured by now, I’m a Planning and Design graduate (in other words reads: Not-quite-an-architect-but-good-enough-to-work-really-underpaid-under-many). As such, I need 6 months of practical experience to be eligible for the subsequent 2 more years of university to get my degree in what I’m suppose to be getting. I have 3 months of that. I resigned from the last freaking job because it was becoming rather unhealthy, do understand the firm is a prominent one in Malaysia, hence they tend to be a little ignorant and egoistic which translate to being understaffed and still giving ridiculously short deadlines to clients, because of course, it’s a big player in the field. Remember what those moral lessons back in school if you’re from Malaysia, the Sunday classes in church if you’ve attended those or one of those nagging’s your mom gave; pride is sin. The firm has clearly sinned and so have I. Must be the pressure arising from work during that trying times that I got really pissed that other people are messing about with their schedules and authority which in turn was messing up my schedule and quality of work. That was enough to piss me off outright, prompted me to finish off my leaves and went back into the office with my resignation letter. That’s definitely a proud and bolt move, maybe one too soon, but still proud. Well now, after a month of eating away at all the weekends spent in the office back then, it isn’t too proud to say I need to send a cover letter, my curriculum vitae and the rest of the works in to another egoistic big firm by morning, as I promised the HR lady this afternoon. The problem is, here I am staring at the blinking cursor, not wanting to write my cover letter and needing to do it before morning. Can’t things be a little easier? Well, I guess not, it’s probably me. Fuck.

Re-reflection

There I was, headed for dreams again and again. Reality smudged against the graininess of surrealism. As I flutter on in Technicolor, I wish we glided with grace. Life, the essence of living and yet so romantically chaotic brings all to a halt. In limelight, moments shone like rays through the drops of leftover rain. Soothing breeze brushed my cold ears so gently. Soft allures of the cacophony we hear. Yet in dead of silent reflection I knelt to pray.

"Grow. Now."

I’m too tired but I am not willing to sleep. Too much happened in the course of the month, too many chapters rewritten, too little time to reflect. There is just too little reassurance for the thin patience of mine.

Beyond words pure thoughts are awkwardly awry. My decisions made long before I knew that they were a matter of choice. Chances are, many will never be made known to me.

Leaving Melbourne was one that was made the moment I stepped foot on Australian soil. I could never see beyond the person I was made to be. Nevertheless I had a glimpse of it just before leaving. It’s the concoction of everything to come and things that are to be left behind that made see. I see a time of passing, no turning back, way too late. I’ve made the choice way before I was made aware.

Of late, some things became more apparent. Things I’ve pondered upon for so long, some made known, some thrown and new ones are sown. In the months that I am back from all things foreign, they don’t seem too distanced after all. I grew with them, I grew into them.

I live in denial, in search of a constant velocity where life could at least be almost a standstill. In denial I saw life. Acceptance of change is a change for me. Then again, what’s new?

Postcards from Melbourne, they tell more than the pictures they hold. There again, you ask me why?

HKAS

I'm having the week off, using up all of my replacement leaves. I will be going back to the firm of Thursday to hand in my resignation. Fuck all. I'm not gonna take the piss. I've totally lost all respect for the firm. It is indeed a badly organised and ran one. Highly disorganised and some people there are too darn egoistic. The principal is still highly respected but not his nephew. Not any more. So much for the firm which layed the foundations for the KL skyline we see today. Sad and piss angry!