and another conversation

A says:
why 5 yrs jo

A says:
thats when you just settle in here carrier wise

The Unknown says:
beacuse any sooner and there will be too mcuh what ifs

The Unknown says:
and joe

The Unknown says:
that 5 years

The Unknown says:
the decission to move back to aus is also the decission that i've had it with the whole career thing

The Unknown says:
you know me

The Unknown says:
as in, if i were to move back to aus

The Unknown says:
it's a decission that money and career isn't gonna make me happy

The Unknown says:
i'm fucking it big time

The Unknown says:
if i move back to melb, it'll be a small firm

A says:
if i were you i'd do it sooner than 5 yrs i i am

The Unknown says:
and i'll take life slow

A says:
if i am

The Unknown says:
i can't help it

The Unknown says:
i need to know for sure i won;'t be happy here

The Unknown says:
that's y 5

The Unknown says:
that's when my career will at least reach a reasonable stage

A says:
right

The Unknown says:
where hopefully i'll be successful

The Unknown says:
then i can decided

The Unknown says:
if that is really what i want

The Unknown says:
getting old etc

The Unknown says:
i don't feel that's relavent anymore

The Unknown says:
it;s way past for me

The Unknown says:
frankly

A says:
what is?

The Unknown says:
way past

The Unknown says:
youth

The Unknown says:
or doing things at this age

A says:
jo its clearly over

The Unknown says:
to me i've written it off already

The Unknown says:
yea wei

The Unknown says:
so it doesn't matter

A says:
25 max cut off

The Unknown says:
age doesn't matter

The Unknown says:
so i'm gonna go get the career

The Unknown says:
and then once there

The Unknown says:
i can decided if it is gonna make me happy

The Unknown says:
if i decide no

The Unknown says:
then it's melb

The Unknown says:
and fuck all

The Unknown says:
as in, forget the money

The Unknown says:
forget the status

The Unknown says:
just me, the morning papers and a good glass of latte

A says:
aiyo

The Unknown says:
least i know i've been there and i didn't find it as important as i thought it was

The Unknown says:
that's for my own good sleep at night

The Unknown says:
i won't have to worry bout my parents, they have enough

The Unknown says:
so screw it

A says:
yala

The Unknown says:
the first class honours thing was a wake up call

The Unknown says:
i though uni, if i can ace it, it'll be happier

The Unknown says:
in fact

A says:
in wat way

The Unknown says:
everything worked out

The Unknown says:
aced uni

The Unknown says:
that paved the way for a good paying job

The Unknown says:
oportunities

A says:
nah jo thats gone with the youth

The Unknown says:
actually no

The Unknown says:
it;s a relief

The Unknown says:
but it sure wasn't happiness

The Unknown says:
no fella, no fellos, no shits

The Unknown says:
i'm getting very very worried here

The Unknown says:
i don't wanna die an unhappy bugger

The Unknown says:
filthy rich but unhappy

A says:
jo no point worrying bro

The Unknown says:
richard cory

The Unknown says:
i don't wanna be a richard cory

A says:
nah dont think in those terms

The Unknown says:
you know richard cory?

A says:
no bro who the fuck's he

The Unknown says:
http://www.lyricsfreak.com/s/simon+and+garfunkel/richard+cory_20124655.html

The Unknown says:
read

The Unknown says:
i seriously don't wanna be richard cory though i could see it could easily end up so, countinuing this path i've chosen jo

A says:
huh

A says:
aiyo

The Unknown says:
"oh, he surely must be happy with everything he's got" ... 'richard cory went home last night and put a bullet rhru his head"

The Unknown says:
so if i were to chose

The Unknown says:
as in

The Unknown says:
in 5 yers time

The Unknown says:
and i know that money and career is not waht i seek

The Unknown says:
then i'm leaving for aus

The Unknown says:
and seek none of them

The Unknown says:
and just live like a normal bugger

The Unknown says:
quiet

A says:
jo there always has to be a balance

The Unknown says:
lonely but try my best to see the little things in life

The Unknown says:
the walks in the park

The Unknown says:
those sorts

The Unknown says:
that said

The Unknown says:
i thought i spoke to u about this

A says:
just doe or just fello or just friends or just career wont do any good

The Unknown says:
in 5 yers if i can choose

The Unknown says:
means that i would ahve made it pretty good career wise

The Unknown says:
meaning i would ahve an amount of doe

A says:
ya

The Unknown says:
that goes into the asset collumn

The Unknown says:
and that would contribute to my income in aus

The Unknown says:
actaullly

The Unknown says:
it's kinda like a very very early retirement

The Unknown says:
sorta

A says:
aiyo

The Unknown says:
from a high flying career into a slower one

The Unknown says:
seriously the money and career maybe isn't all too cut out for me

A says:
give up

A says:
hands up

The Unknown says:
more of like switch hands

The Unknown says:
coffee to milk

The Unknown says:
ciggies to chocolates

The Unknown says:
based on the fact

The Unknown says:
i know what it's like

A says:
what you mean the money/career aint cut out for you

The Unknown says:
becuse i've been there

A says:
what do you want jo

The Unknown says:
peace of mind

The Unknown says:
comfort bro

The Unknown says:
comfort

The Unknown says:
i wanna walk down the bloody street without a million things in my mind

The Unknown says:
without thinking eh, all the money i have but no fello

The Unknown says:
those sorts of shits

The Unknown says:
becaus serious

The Unknown says:
there's alot of shits money can buy

A says:
what makes you think you'll achieve that in aus as opposed to anywhere else

The Unknown says:
and power can get

The Unknown says:
but there's alot of shits both cant get u either

The Unknown says:
because i'm familiar witht he place

The Unknown says:
and i found peace there jsut before i came back

The Unknown says:
it's somewhere i am comfortable not being on top

A says:
so u mean u dont wnat to have the feeling of owning a clk but no house

A says:
?

The Unknown says:
if i had made the choice

The Unknown says:
it means that i dun give a damn about the clk anymore

The Unknown says:
i just want a decent place, basic but not fucked to live

The Unknown says:
and public transport's fine for the weekdays

A says:
jo in 5 yrs your views on melb wld've change

A says:
d

The Unknown says:
i'll get a 190 e

A says:
hell the whole damn place wouldve changed

The Unknown says:
the point is

The Unknown says:
i'm not too sure bout the doe and sucess thing

The Unknown says:
i am having serious doubts now

A says:
right

The Unknown says:
it could very well mean nothing

A says:
could well jo

The Unknown says:
the man selling u drinks and wantan mee at the roadsid is way happier bro

A says:
but its not like we hava choice here

The Unknown says:
nope

The Unknown says:
we don't

The Unknown says:
hence

The Unknown says:
the 5 years

A says:
its not like were choosing doe over frineds or fello

The Unknown says:
here, i'm chosing doe & career or life

The Unknown says:
i'm jsut not too sure right now if they both can't really exist together here

A says:
true but as much as you want to you cant be that wantan mee seller

The Unknown says:
hence the 5 yers is to find out

The Unknown says:
joe

The Unknown says:
i can't over here

The Unknown says:
but i just very could in aus

A says:
somesort

The Unknown says:
simply beacause there's no link

The Unknown says:
not here, here's there's already a preconception

A says:
i must say things seems like a dead end in kl

The Unknown says:
overthere none joe

The Unknown says:
career wise it's bright

A says:
you either have it or you dont

The Unknown says:
but that's about it

The Unknown says:
yea wei

The Unknown says:
so i wanna take the 5 years to truely evaluate

The Unknown says:
if say moneya ndc career comes in, will my life improve

The Unknown says:
and will those improvements if any will make me any happier

The Unknown says:
if i find out i gotten the 1 series

The Unknown says:
the mont kiara unit

The Unknown says:
and my own shits running (will ahev to be)

The Unknown says:
and i still am feeling dead

The Unknown says:
then it's calito's way "ok folks.... it's time to go"

The Unknown says:
it's the easy life in melb

The Unknown says:
because seriously

The Unknown says:
joe

The Unknown says:
mont kiara, 1 series, great flying career, and still feeling dead

The Unknown says:
something is terribly wrong wei

The Unknown says:
and i bet u

The Unknown says:
if i let all of that go then and go to aus

The Unknown says:
i won't bat an eye over those chaps with the clk

The Unknown says:
beause as much as i know it could possibly make them happy, it can't make me happy

The Unknown says:
think this all make sense doesn't it?

The Unknown says:
been thinking heaps wei

A says:
pretty deep jo

A says:
but you cant say just yet

The Unknown says:
hence the 5 years la

A says:
might just be the syndrome of the past overshadawing your life to such an extent

The Unknown says:
call it a decission made over a long process

The Unknown says:
could be

The Unknown says:
but the bottom line is

The Unknown says:
whatever it is that makes me happy

A says:
that even after achieving your 'dreams' your still clouded in shit

The Unknown says:
well

The Unknown says:
i can;t stand still and drown in it right?

The Unknown says:
if things are fucked, then move on, next best solution then

The Unknown says:
i ain't B man

A says:
huh

The Unknown says:
drown in it

The Unknown says:
then fool myself into believing i'm better than the creatures living below

The Unknown says:
fuck that

The Unknown says:
things are very very muddled here for me

The Unknown says:
and the only way for me to carry on is to make contingencies / plans

The Unknown says:
at least that sets a path for me to pace, knowing i can choose in the end

The Unknown says:
i'm gonna call it a night bro

The Unknown says:
where u at now in transit?

A says:
and better catch my plane

The Unknown says:
safe flight

The Unknown says:
catch u at the next transit point hah!

A says:
yala

A says:
whole life transit

A says:
could be in the bahamas and i wouldnt know

A says:
dubai

The Unknown says:
right

The Unknown says:
don;t forget the moet and chocolates for your fella

The Unknown says:
ciaos wei

A says:
aiyo ya i bettter

The Unknown says:
laters

A says:
sure thing get some rest

A says:
l8r bro

another conversation

J says:
heya

J says:
did lots of things today

The Unknown says:
like??

J says:
went to the beach in the morning for a coffeee

The Unknown says:
ohhh coool

J says:
i bought a take away and then sat on the beach to drink it

The Unknown says:
u alone?

J says:
then i went to have a manicure

The Unknown says:
reallly?

J says:
yeah... went alone

The Unknown says:
hehheh u just got paid

The Unknown says:
that;'s so cool

The Unknown says:
i wanna do that too

J says:
then i did some grocery shopping

The Unknown says:
did u get any icecreams?

J says:
and after that came home and cooked a big meal

J says:
nope

The Unknown says:
oh no

The Unknown says:
but i think the big meal made up for it

The Unknown says:
hehe

The Unknown says:
how big of a meal did u cook?

J says:
did i tell you that i am saving money>?

The Unknown says:
umm hmm

The Unknown says:
for marriage?

The Unknown says:
right??

The Unknown says:
and little Js?

J says:
so usually, on sundays, i cook a big big meal and then freeze it so I can have it for lunch every day

The Unknown says:
what!!!!!

The Unknown says:
really???

J says:
yeah

J says:
last week i made 1.5kg of pad thai

J says:
this week i made the same amount but of risotto

J says:
the week before was potato salad

J says:
hahaha.. i know i'm boring

J says:
eat the same thing everyday

The Unknown says:
ohhhhhhhh nooooooooo

The Unknown says:
i should have stayed back then

The Unknown says:
then we could share

The Unknown says:
hehehehehe

J says:
haha

J says:
it's good though, saves me heaps of money i guess

The Unknown says:
yea??

The Unknown says:
how much have u saved?

The Unknown says:
50%

J says:
hahaha not enough

The Unknown says:
more?

The Unknown says:
that's because????

J says:
hmm its more like 10%

The Unknown says:
hahahahahaa

The Unknown says:
so food isn;t ur main expenditure

J says:
coz things keep popping up

The Unknown says:
hhahahahaa

J says:
things that require $$

The Unknown says:
yea i knowwww

J says:
birthdays, events.. blah blah

The Unknown says:
least u know

The Unknown says:
it's not like me

The Unknown says:
i did a breakdown on the stuff i spend on in a day

The Unknown says:
and guess what??

J says:
yeah>

J says:
?

The Unknown says:
know what i spend on the most?

J says:
coffee?

The Unknown says:
that's one

The Unknown says:
but that's minimal

J says:
?

The Unknown says:
..coke!!!!!!!!!!!

J says:
ahhahahahaa

J says:
thats funny

The Unknown says:
i spend more than my lunch on coke

J says:
i hardly spend any cash during the week

The Unknown says:
3-4 cans a day

The Unknown says:
crap

The Unknown says:
more than petrol, more than lunch

J says:
unless I go out after work

J says:
hahaha

The Unknown says:
heheheh drinks then huh

J says:
don't really have much of a life anymore

The Unknown says:
same here

The Unknown says:
it sucks

The Unknown says:
it's like i just got realsed from prison

J says:
i don't mind it

J says:
it's like a new stage in life

The Unknown says:
hey

J says:
it's inevitable

The Unknown says:
u have quite a bit to look forward to

The Unknown says:
no it's not

J says:
i'm embracing it

The Unknown says:
well, for me, kl is literally almost empty now

The Unknown says:
really??

The Unknown says:
y?

J says:
because i'm ready

The Unknown says:
really?

The Unknown says:
u know i was in melb too

J says:
?

The Unknown says:
umm hmm

The Unknown says:
but not here

J says:
really

J says:
why?

The Unknown says:
because i guess in a way i;m constantly reminded of what i had before i went away

The Unknown says:
and also, i came back here, one of the reasons is that i would be better off here in a way

The Unknown says:
that was the decisive reason and definately part of the plan

J says:
yeah i know

The Unknown says:
and u and i know, plans don't walways work out

The Unknown says:
and u know me

The Unknown says:
hehehehe

J says:
hehe

The Unknown says:
and what happens when things dun work out

J says:
but we still make them...

The Unknown says:
yea

The Unknown says:
my life in melb was closer to ideal than it is for me here right now

J says:
aww is that why you miss it?'

The Unknown says:
nowadays i think i'm more concerned about balance

The Unknown says:
yes it is

The Unknown says:
it is

The Unknown says:
i know it beause

The Unknown says:
i actually stopped getting nightmares in melb

J says:
oh btw.. i got my graduation stuff

The Unknown says:
COOOLL

The Unknown says:
i've got an email saying they;ve sent it

The Unknown says:
so gotta wait till next week to find out, it's the long chinese new years hols here

The Unknown says:
you knwo what's brthering me J?

J says:
its on april the 10th

J says:
is that when urs is too?

The Unknown says:
i'm stressed out, and afraid that the choice i made is the one i would regret a couple of years later

The Unknown says:
yeap mine's on the same day!

The Unknown says:
...we should be rightttttt????

The Unknown says:
and i got it

J says:
why do you think u'll regret it?

The Unknown says:
because the bet is on which is the greener side

The Unknown says:
you know all those things we talked bout?

J says:
yup

The Unknown says:
i'm just worried that i would be able to achieve them more in aus than in malaysia

The Unknown says:
you know

J says:
you having serious doubts?

J says:
wowww

J says:
when did you realize all this?

The Unknown says:
and just before i left aus, i must admit, it was pretty comfy already

The Unknown says:
a month after i came back

The Unknown says:
u know on of the main reasons i came back

The Unknown says:
is because i know the possiblilty for a very very successful career is almost imminant in malaysia
compared to aus for me

The Unknown says:
that stil stands

The Unknown says:
but u know what J??

J says:
??

The Unknown says:
i'm seriously wondering

The Unknown says:
or rather i have serious doubts

The Unknown says:
that if i really want that???

J says:
wowww

The Unknown says:
no kidding

J says:
you've been hanging out with me and m too much!!!

The Unknown says:
here i am cocooned in the comfort of a nice car

The Unknown says:
and there i am

The Unknown says:
thiking how nice it is to walk on the cobbled laneways when it's just done raining?

The Unknown says:
you know

J says:
hmmm that's a tough one

J says:
the other reason is]

The Unknown says:
you know what i mean

J says:
straight after you finished studying you didn't break for holiday or anyone

J says:
you just dived head in to work

The Unknown says:
i did for a week

J says:
a week is nothing

The Unknown says:
yea but i was happy

The Unknown says:
when i first started work

The Unknown says:
then it slowly came

The Unknown says:
the realisation

J says:
you have to be on holidays until you feel bored out of your brains and really and charged to
worok

The Unknown says:
it's not about work J

The Unknown says:
it's about life

The Unknown says:
over here i'm so detached from it

The Unknown says:
u know u can be alone and in touch with life

The Unknown says:
good example is the coffee by urself on the beach

The Unknown says:
over here it's completely detached

J says:
but why can't you do that over there?

The Unknown says:
one., there's no beach in kl

J says:
can't you go for nice drives

The Unknown says:
two, the dynamics of the city is very very different

J says:
or walks in the mall

The Unknown says:
it's different

The Unknown says:
the way the city feels

The Unknown says:
you know

J says:
hmmm

The Unknown says:
i'm perfectly comffy in melb to take a stroll down to lygon and get myself a nice latte

The Unknown says:
but over here

The Unknown says:
it doesn't feel that way

J says:
hmmm.....

The Unknown says:
over in aus i can lay back and wathc the leaves falls and do my thinking and my plotting

The Unknown says:
here, i can';t

The Unknown says:
i think it really boils down to

The Unknown says:
what i want

J says:
can you substitute all that for something else now in KL?

J says:
perhaps curl up in bed and read a book

The Unknown says:
rather than what i can achieve

J says:
??

The Unknown says:
been doing that, curling up on a sofa in an air conditioned room watchig dvds

J says:
yeah that's alwyas nice to do

The Unknown says:
and messing about with my car at night

The Unknown says:
coz maybe that's all tat is

The Unknown says:
i;m serious pondering

The Unknown says:
if a really successful career is what that is gonna make me happy?

The Unknown says:
because i seriously don't feel too contented now

The Unknown says:
though i know i'm already ahead?

J says:
oh....

J says:
it's a toss up

The Unknown says:
hahahahah

The Unknown says:
messed up it s

J says:
maybe you won't know until you're in that situation

The Unknown says:
you're right in that sense

The Unknown says:
that's y i'm in such a mess

The Unknown says:
i can't make the distinctive judgement

The Unknown says:
and an informed choice

The Unknown says:
hate that

The Unknown says:
grrrrrrrrrrrrrr

The Unknown says:
oh well to wrap things up

The Unknown says:
i think that i would only know the answer somewhere down the line

The Unknown says:
time will tell they say

The Unknown says:
i just hope that by that time it won't be too late to be back.

autumn

I think I am actually getting tired of this “get back to Malaysia and try to make it here” move or maybe perhaps I never would belong to any certain places but for now the rain soaked streets of Melbourne plays vividly in my mind. Everyday, each and every day as I wish I was pacing the bluestone pavements of the city instead of the plush interior of the car for one by one, each destination here seems aimless in my quest to search for home.

Yea, so?

Bachelor of Architecture, First Class Honours.

Yet, the moment I was told, I spiralled into deep depression.

One would think I'm crazy now huh?

think this is it

i guess i'll just ahve to say it, fuck hell, i want to return to aus.
things are all fucked up here.

i can see things being potentially rosy in the next 5 years, but the question is, can i take all the shit from now till then???

fucking third world messed up country this is!