The begining is the end is the begining

I have no idea how to begin or to end this as my thoughts are as crowded as always.

Soon, another year is almost in and another on the passing. Looking back I see parallel, what could have been and where I actually am. I cling to the crumbling past like melting cotton candy, too sweet, too sticky. It is like little by little the pieces frail and fall. Day by day I will try my very best to let go. At times I feel there’s always a tomorrow that shines but at my very worst, I fear; afraid of the lost cold and I scumble to the fragile past. How much longer will I be doing time? I wouldn’t know.

Soon, I’ll be returning to autumn like I first did years ago. A couple more years and the seasons will change. I pray for the better in the coming ending years, nevertheless I expect the least for there is close to nothing to begin.

Not forgetting Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to all.

Merry Christmas

Sometimes I wish to be away from all; family, friends and context.

Memories

Too painfull to remember, too memorable to forget.

Blink,
4 years now.

This is when we were suppose to meet and decide.

27th July 2003, remember her text, remember my call, remember the winter.

Somewhere in Oct same year, what I typed was colder than what I said.

Sometime last fucking year, angry exchange over overseas lines.

Somehow we appologised months later, but things were never the same again.

"Look me up if you happen to be in KL." I said, she laughed.


Blink again.
It all comes clear, "Nah, I don't think so" she said.