Busy

Busy busy busy busy busy.

3am

still at the office to wrap up the stuff I've been working on. It's been a crazy week. Learned so much in so little time. Partially in architecture and a lot on working with people, more so on how to make people work. Now I get what the person who got me into the firm meant by "you may call me perssimistic but I'm only being realistic, it's vicious cycle but as you work along with it, you'll realise the loopholes and how to work them to benefit". Very true.

Office Politics

The King's silent forsight,
Prince and Princess marched ahead,
battles wage beneath the seen,
Fought with bishops and knights,
Castle torn apart,
The round table has another,
Every ticking second,
every slight move,
and a bon fire is lit,
every spoken work,
gestures the lives of many others,
each nod and what not,
speaks of wrath,
and the pawn slowly,
unwilling,
knowingly steps ahead.

The Unknown

Times like this I could cry...

Last week my car fucked up. It's been in the workshop for a week.

This week, I've been assigned to do stuff at work which is demanding in the sense of it's beyond my formal scope of studies. I have been given to task to develop the architecture of a masterplan of a costal town. The deadline's on this coming 15th of March.

Today immediately after work, I rushed to Pudu, the central bus station for the 8.30pm bus to get back to my hometown, to collect my car. I am to attend a private openning dinner of an art exhibition on Saturday. I really want to go and I have to work on Sunday to meet the secdule. The bus only came at 9.15pm.

I got back home, had a chat with my parents and waited for my friend to finish his work. Picked him up at 1am had food with him for I have yet to eat dinner. At 2.30 pm, I stopped to get fuel for the car, the tank's running almost empty.

Just as I rolled out of the petrol station, the engine came to a halt. I tried but I couldn't start the car. My mate had to help push the car into the petrol station, out of the main road's way. Called my mom, had her pick me up and send my friend back.

Drove home like a dickhead hitting ridiculous speed on the road while i ranted to my mom.

"why the hell does all this shit has to happen to me??"

....I truely am tired of the silver linings.

Unspoken

At times, more of recent anger has gotten the best of me. Anger, fustration, insecurities and depression isn't a sweet cocktail to swallow. Bites the tongue, upsets the stomach and poisons the mind.

The things in the past I can't help but remember; fresh as spring yet hurts like cold winter rain.

There issues of the present which slowly eats me away and the uncertainty of the future plays havoc with my thinking.

Yet I put on a bold face, the easy going characther each and everyday. I can't do otherwise. I wouldn't.

It's hard to live in duality but I need to. The characthers I play aren't fake, they do take on me as I take on them. They happen to be reminicents of me, my past. They will be the characthers shaping my tomorrow. Nothing can wash them away.

I get tired. Boggled with my thoughts.

I try my best to look towards the light. Silver linings they call them, but dark clouds still do inflict their tall shaddows on me.

I'm far from peace, I'm far from silence.

Ultimately I'm lost. Tracing my path back home, return to sanity.

I haven't forgot God but time to time when things start to slide, I do slip. Forgive me father.

My past, forgive me for the wrongs I did.

To her, may she forget the things she hear and saw. May her remember my unsaid and her unfelt, sooth my sorrows and set us straight. I will no doubt remember her. Always.

There's nothing like life, yet there's nothing less.

The Unknown.