Still...

I stood still and yet fate, life or whatever won't let me go.

I stood still for many years now and yet my limbs are screaming for rest.

I stood still today.

Another dog day

All I wanted is some rest.

All I wanted is to be left to be alone.

But I was out the whole bloody day ever since I got up and got back with my mobile fucked.

It was almost fine

And somehow madness can seem so near, so entrapping and so intense even when all was over so long ago.

And how the little things in life can accumulate so intensely to cause one to remember not only the past but of a projected future.

And how tiresome it gets when it no longer is about what it begun as.

For madness is never really understood.

this life

Perhaps I’ve been away for too long to remember how it felt like to be living. Yesterday night was so close to what and how things should be, even though they weren’t the tiniest bit mine and should never be, least not from that night. Never mind that, after years of absence, it was close enough to rouse the person I was.

I felt alive for that very brief moment.

And so, here I am left in limbo, half soaked in reminiscing and the other in reality in which I would drown all that out for sanity sake.

I really miss that very person.

blanks

The morning started with a blank, rush hour on the MRT and all I could do is to find a spot to stand and close my eyes like everyone else, partially sleepy but more likely to avoid gazing at other in the same shoes. Well, blank mornings have tended not to have anything worthy to be gazed upon.

First out from the train, up the escalators and out of the station, I headed straight to the food centre where I would get a takeaway coffee by ritual.

And that’s when I overlooked the lady’s shoulder in front of me into her mobile, which says “message sent to ‘her’ ”…

The rest of the day wasn’t all that blank anymore, it turned rather morose.

Richard Cory, again.

Day by day my optimism towards life wanes and fades a little bit more. Every single breath I take, a little bit more is taken away from me. I don’t even know who I am anymore. I keep telling myself it’ll soon get better.

Day by day I feel more and more detached from the real world. I die a little bit every time I achieve a milestone. Many envy what I had, have and could do; but nothing fills the big empty. My life is just a distant memory.

When will it all end, I question. How it will doesn’t really matter all that much anymore.

I realize that perhaps I’ve written one too many rants in recent times. It just that I am growing ever more tired these days.

Has life truly deserted me?

(Just bloody great! Blogger disappeared as I was about to post this!) (meant to be posted yesterday at about the same time)

Tired

Let there be light soon. Please.

two thousand seven

Resolutions, what about?

“And I've never met anyone quite like you before
Oh, up, down, turn around; please don't let me hit the ground
Tonight I think I walk alone, to find my soul desire to go home” – Moby

When new year’s eve started off with a bunch of fools, one could expect it to get worse and it will. P.T. Barnum wasn’t kidding when he said that a moron is born every minute; he was only being modest.

I had heaps of time to think while I waited for the first train. River Quay brought back too much of distant memories.

I pondered about my life, I pondered bout her and I question everything else.

Maybe one day I’ll be set free again, till then I’ll just wait.