in the act of describing

An edited conversation.


bro
i'm in a very disturb state of mind
unable to concentrate on my reading
haven’t had that for a while
but tonight everything came back
why must she appear
is this a sign?
is this a reminder of the consequence of messing with an attached girl
or could this be a reminder that she's the one i truly love
or is this appearance due to the fact to let me know i've moved on, a s in a test?
well, we aren't students of freud and neither are we experts in semiotics
but bro, i can't get this thoughts, or rather questions out of my head
and each answer is a rhetoric
posing a perpetual string of questions
i'll even use the word propagate to describe it
i'm going mad
but it means i have a higher chance of getting her back
fuck for years
2-3 years
no sign of her
but y tonight
and y single
i can't help but to idealist
for to accept reality that this is just accidental would be that i accept that what happened between her and me was accidental and hence the love i felt or i'm feeling would have ended
so again this is a yo yo thingy
it;'s a fucking marxist contradiction
i'm seriously going mad
and having a cold, with my head cracking pain
is not helping
but i can't sleeep
i can't read
i just keep talking to myself and every now end then end up with the same question
(s)
bro..... how ?
how am i to move on?
do i want to move on?
is it possible to move on?
my head's cracking, for to never have loved would have been better
but how would i know that if i never had loved?
fuck!
i'm really going insane!
very indeed
i seriously hope that what they say life and all the unanswered questions will flash by on ur last breathe is true
at least things will make sense in the end
for now it's endless
that's another huge rhetoric
i know what u mean
to simplfy
does this god damn world lives in us or do we live in this god damn world?
.... idunno bro
but for me the asnwer to all my questions is still her
but how do i answer the question of her?
for she is an answer that i question
im so fuckedddddddddd
i bet u get a psychiatrist here right now he'll certify me mad
no doubt
addiction or solution i dunno
how not to
bro
if she didn't pop up i won't have
y the fuck did she pop up?????!!!!!!
yyyyyyyyy?
and if she popped up with "in a relationship"
i wouldn't have either
fuck
serious shit
first thing i saw was her pic
then i though "hah! finally she pops up, of all ppl"
then i saw closer
"single!"
and hell broke loose
..i can't call, i've got no number
and i dun wanna rush into it and fuck my chances
this has to be properly planned, military precision
i know once i get her back i can close this chapter for good
this is a woman whom i won't think twice marrying
told ya
my thoughts are running all about
but bro
serious shit
i seriously want it to happen
to get her back
for i figured it
that ever since then, my life has been referenced back to her
every darn thing
she's the key to this insanity
she's the one
that's what we call regret
i wish i knew the answer to that
comeon
u know me so many years
so many fucking years and don't tell me you couldn't see it
dont tell me you couldn't see how much she means to me
i tried bro
i did
but today
tonight
sigh
you as a medic should know how hard it is to give up ciggies
and i managed
maybe when i told her "i miss you" at the end of our conversation it did had an effect?
her birthday
aother letter with the card
best way to do it
if u can think of anything better do tell bro
i really need this
i need this to work
i'll head back to malaysia 2nd week of june
if i need to i'll head up to singapore immediately
i've got a month to plan this
fuck
what if she isn't back?
ahhh shit
she's doing her final semester
i got to structure this so she will meet me face to face
aight bro
i'm gonna try to get some sleep
ok bro
i'm gonna sleep
head's hurting
u tc too bro