90-minutes life time

Alright, I probably haven't blogged in a while. Makes me wonder. Maybe it's because I do not have a net connection in my studio, as this post itself is written beforehand and posted later, kind of like McDonalds, where they would fry the chicken, deep freeze it and re-fry it when ordered. Perhaps a more valid reason for the hiatus is that I've been awfully busy, not solely in terms of uni work but of lately, been doing quite a bit of soul searching, finally getting down to solving the shits I'm in along with this mate of mine who's in the UK. Pretty much known each other since 7. Talk about childhood friends, our parents know each other, we have almost the same upbringing and probably the same drilling. Funny thing is, a long time ago, back in like say when we were 11, my impression of him was a cunning arrogant bastard. Funnier even, today we can almost read off each other's mind, we are stuck in the same situation, same sort of depression and goodness, almost the same fall, even though we're in different colleges back in Kuala Lumpur. Talk about dejavu! Right. We often have our talks, on life, theorising life, dreams and ambitions. Each and every time we get back to Malaysia, there we'll be, well sat on the same old familiar bench in the all too familiar parks, he sipping his budwiser while I'll have my Heini, puffing out lungs black, laughing our lungs out. Both blessed with a too bloody good memory, yesteryears were recall with Technicolor accuracy. Still do that till today. Be it Bangkung or "Old Trafford" back in our hometown, we tend to theorise a lot on life, friends, acquaintances, enemies etc but of lately, for these past 2 years, we tend to focus on "the shit we are in". Questions too arrogant to be asked during the "good ol' days" were thrown around; mistakes too egoistic to be admited were swallowed willingly. Enough. We had enough of what have become of us. It has already taken a toll on us, living with depression isn't easy. Ask anyone. Not only it isn't easy to live with but it gets even more so depression since we know we are depressed and are able to recognize it while at the same time, not being able to resolve it. Nothing pisses us off more than not being able to resolve a matter. Years gone by and finally, guess this would be the first few pieces to the puzzle. Multiple personalities. Jokes aside! Kid you not, we tend to play different roles and adopt different characters and traits in dealing with different people. It certainly has a good side to it, we get around very well with people and it did help plough our way though life. Bad side to it is, after playing them for so long, umpteen years, those characters we play start playing us back. It really seems like each and every one has developed a soul of their own. Even more, that has led us to be wary of big groups of people, mainly because we have no idea which character to put on, who to play, that's when it becomes a little too much to handle. No wonder we always keep different group of friends seperated. Never mix friends, that I suppose still stands. At days I myself find it hard to know who I am playing and at the end of the day, who I am? Finally, the question has been posed. The very first step to end this depressing shit we're in is as simply as to find out who we really are. Simple as said, never as simply done. That's what I got out of a 90 minutes-cheaper-than-Malaysia phone call to the UK. Anyone get what I'm babbling?