I’m humbled…
Just about a year ago, as nostalgic as it seems my life was close to being complete. Never mind that I’ve wasted 5 years of my prime picking up the bits and pieces as I should be grateful and contented for the little bit at the end of my uni days. I was indeed. Back on my 2 feet at top of my game after years of planning and planting bore fruit.
Achievements which only years earlier thought to be a distant dream were all given a healthy tick as I planned even further ahead. If one were to ask me the much overused “where do you see yourself in 5 years”, I’ll gladly give you the details rivalling a business plan.
Like clockwork at the final 2 years I went from bottom failure grade student to top scores, dean’s list and a first class honours even with a chunky margin after a subject screwed up bad, and that’s only the academics. I had jobs in top firm in Asia all lined up after working hard during each uni break. So much so that all I had was to ring my pick and say hello, no interview required. My battered confidence made a slow but steady comeback, which sure helped on the humour bit. It all added up to one comfortable complete sum.
On the very last day, just before my definitive flight back to Malaysia, I might have even found someone whom I am willing to give this one a go at a relationship but alas, my plans I'm not willing to change, not when they are already too well executed and so I left.
I left with a heavy heart, dragging all the way along the pavement to the airport. I remember very well saying that.
Fast forward a year and here I am, here inMalaysia, here in a mess. I’ve since quit my high flying high paying high end job in July in expectation of my pr. I did manage to finish an independent project with my own partnership but soon the finance world got messed up and we lost 2 projects since then. So now I’ve got essentially no income. Two thirds of my life savings got screwed by the poisoned Wall Street bull.
My pr application for Aus looks as if it’s going to take forever seeing how the country has gone into recession, I insist though most would say it has not. Even if I get my pr, the prospect of a job seems bleak over there especially when friends already getting laid off. My health isn't any better having taken a toll from all these years pushing myself working late nights.
So here I am, hanging on a little glimpse of hope that all of this will just blow by like a little cold. The thought of starting all over again is simply unbearable.
It scares me as much as it disappoints me how everything has unfolded this year. I’m almost back on my knees, maybe not as bad as 5 years ago, but close. Very close indeed. Too close for comfort as the telltale signs of my daily nightmares have made a regular comeback.
Achievements which only years earlier thought to be a distant dream were all given a healthy tick as I planned even further ahead. If one were to ask me the much overused “where do you see yourself in 5 years”, I’ll gladly give you the details rivalling a business plan.
Like clockwork at the final 2 years I went from bottom failure grade student to top scores, dean’s list and a first class honours even with a chunky margin after a subject screwed up bad, and that’s only the academics. I had jobs in top firm in Asia all lined up after working hard during each uni break. So much so that all I had was to ring my pick and say hello, no interview required. My battered confidence made a slow but steady comeback, which sure helped on the humour bit. It all added up to one comfortable complete sum.
On the very last day, just before my definitive flight back to Malaysia, I might have even found someone whom I am willing to give this one a go at a relationship but alas, my plans I'm not willing to change, not when they are already too well executed and so I left.
I left with a heavy heart, dragging all the way along the pavement to the airport. I remember very well saying that.
Fast forward a year and here I am, here inMalaysia, here in a mess. I’ve since quit my high flying high paying high end job in July in expectation of my pr. I did manage to finish an independent project with my own partnership but soon the finance world got messed up and we lost 2 projects since then. So now I’ve got essentially no income. Two thirds of my life savings got screwed by the poisoned Wall Street bull.
My pr application for Aus looks as if it’s going to take forever seeing how the country has gone into recession, I insist though most would say it has not. Even if I get my pr, the prospect of a job seems bleak over there especially when friends already getting laid off. My health isn't any better having taken a toll from all these years pushing myself working late nights.
So here I am, hanging on a little glimpse of hope that all of this will just blow by like a little cold. The thought of starting all over again is simply unbearable.
It scares me as much as it disappoints me how everything has unfolded this year. I’m almost back on my knees, maybe not as bad as 5 years ago, but close. Very close indeed. Too close for comfort as the telltale signs of my daily nightmares have made a regular comeback.
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